The Fame Monster

I'm not quite sure of the reasons that lead to Andrew Koenig decided to take his own life. But knowing that he was a successful actor in his youth and hadn't worked much lately, I can guess. I didn't want to get on my soapbox again about this very fickle career path that I've chosen because ultimately it was my choice. I was in nursing school when it all started for me. I could have stayed and finished. I'd sure have a steady check now. But here I am getting super psyched every time I get an email from my agent. I download the sides, I read the script, I prepare to my best abilities and try not to think that this could be the role that will change my life and get me back to the place I was some 10 years ago. I breath, I talk to the universe. I try hard to relax. Afterwards, I do all that I can to forget. I toss the sides and get to work on the next one. For Andrew Koenig it had been a longer time being reminded of what once was and now isn't. This town isn't kind on someone like him. All with the TMZ, paparazzi, young arrogant studio executives, desperate producers trying to land the hottest timely actors and the stunningly hot six-inch-heel-clad beauties who have no clue who you are and will treat you like a nobody. They used to say you're only as good as the last thing you did. Now you're only as good as what you did 2 minutes ago. Even Jon Cryer had a stretch of B movies and failed TV shows between his performance on 'Pretty in Pink' in 1986 and landing the mega hit TV show 'Two and Half Men' in 2003.
I still wouldn't change what I do for any other job in the world. I've met some of the most brilliant people and can call them friends. My theater company cradles, supports and encourages me. I write, I produce and am looking forward to directing one day. In the same place where fame is fleeting, expression is godly and man do I revel in it. :)
No father should ever have to bury his son. My heart goes out to Andrew Koenig's family. May they find some peace. And to all the struggling actors out here in LA or in NYC, know your lane and hold on tight to what you love about acting. Only that will keep you from drowning. luv.

goRealer

write to live

I was out to dinner with my friend Alicia Witt last night. we usually have an orgasm of Sushi and Saki at Sasabune in Westwood but we decided to go to Real Food Daily instead. This spot is the BOMB!!! I'm really not into vegetarian food. I absolutely HATE tofu and sometimes vegetarian people come off as just a bit pretentious but maybe it's just me projecting. This place had NO tofu on the menu though. Say word! Crazy delish! Anyway, this post isn't about food. When Alicia and I get together we have very in depth forward thinking conversation about life, relationships, politics and of course acting. We don't agree on everything but we respect the sharing of each others opinion. Last night we spoke about may things including the changing structure of relationships and how we as humans couple as opposed to how we did 50 or 100 years ago. I'll break that down more specifically in a later post. At one point we began to discuss the dream, as actors, and how mine had changed in the past few years. I explained to her my recent frustrations as an actor (made known in my previous posts) and that lead to us really acknowledging what we really want out of this life. Both of us are believers in that alchemist ideal of telling the universe exactly what you want using that energy to pull it towards you. For me it went like this: I want to write! I want to live by a beach, not too close but close enough. I want three rescue dogs, an apartment with an alcove and a better than decent sized kitchen. I want a really cool girlfriend with her own apartment, a recurring role on a popular network TV show and a really cool publisher that will wait for my novel. oh yeah, mad frequent flyer miles from traveling back and forth to NYC and a big mailbox to hold the checks. Hey universe, make it happen. thanks.
gorealer

putting the 10 in 2010 postscript

...but i aint never fretting or blaming. hollywood do what hollywood gotta do to keep them lights on. it aint personal. never that. I got mad love in my life too precious to jeopardize infecting with friendly fire. I'ont need to pop no more shots. true speak is there really aint no one to aim at. no specific enemy other than self. and the enemy of my enemy can be my hero. can't nobody do for you more than you can do for self determined to go hard. "Oh they aint ready for me yet. my style too ill for'm"... like a ego slingshot from hell to a place way distant beyond serious. or maybe 'can't get outta bed'll' lead to 'too scared to get in'... up late at night concocting substances. I been up in these offices. I know what they be buying. I know heat from flashes in the pan and overcooked. So I'm off this slow money ho stroll all upset cause the johns only want blonde's. In fact I know better blonde's.

goRealer