muMs the Schemer ===> Schemer: fiend, foe, friend, fear, /swallower of your fear, /blasphemer, /dreamer…. /to hold, to have, to be in a condition akin to, to victory he prevails! /A mathematical or philosophical diagram representing the astrological aspects of the planets, emotions and intellect on scales, /teller of your tale /in a letha-phorical outline, /a concise examination crafty and secretive in sign, /a systematic and organized chaotic plot. /I am muMs the schemer and you, are not. ===> The first ‘m’ is lower-cased /concerned with race /and small manipulative matters of that sort: /the things in our face /that bleed into our heart. /The ‘u’- also small- leads me to look to the sky, walk there the edge of a shore equating to particles of sand, stars, the moon. To be under all that which is bigger than me lead’s to the second ‘M’ capitalized for the manipulation /of that that from which all shall begin /and again /from when /we least expect. /The ‘S’ is the trick: the hush of it all. /The control over what we discuss, beckon or call /or plural to represent the many that know /or just that the path is a windy road? /No matter, it also is small. ===> muMs, the schemer and echo-er of it all.
today I’m feeling like… a little out of the box. a little outside the of the norm. Outside of everything… everybody. The news makes me scared, angry, pensive, jittery. the drama. the opinions. the pop elation. feel like if I turn it off I’ll miss something. I flip through my twitter scroll and again I am scared, angry or I laugh but then… I wonder does that person who said something funny on twitter not know that some father chopped his kids head off or that some 30 soldiers got killed in Afghanistan or some dude got shot by police or some elderly woman’s window got shot in or some guy broke in some woman’s home and raped her or some guy riding his bike got run over? I’m on the facebook and stocks is down and someone called the Pres a spook and the degrading of the dollar is happening like they said and the radicals is all up at each other and the wind is knocking over stages and the rain is opening holes in the ground and rich people cant stop telling me how rich they is and I’m wanting… and waiting… and wars are being started and information is being forced and hacked and sported.
We buy into people selling they life for thirteen episodes a season. cut by commercials convincing me I aint good enough. and the device we sit to see it on hypnotize our dollars while glowing lights convince us we’re plotting our solo missions. Where we whisper our deepest secrets into the fiber optics that block out the sun and we’ll say that we saw it and that we knew what we was looking at when we see it coming pushing the stars aside rushing our investigations into whose fault it was not to fund the telescope. we flossing instead of fixing our own levies. looking for hand outs from the land whose hand we want out our pocket. I’m feeling way outside it. way out the way I feel when I pay more to get to and back from the place I get paid less at. I look at TV and I wonder where common sense at. He’ll drop the science! but he dropped the sense and reality aint real. Now I’m feeling like I don’t even understand what I feel. I look for love.
Somebody posted something bout love but when I take a closer look its an invite to an event at the love lounge where i can get my freak on. 5 dollar sex on the beaches before 8. 10 dollars at the door. I need something positive all general and yellow daisy-like cause that’s what I’m used to to keep me from wanting to chuck it all. like a quote from the bible or my horoscope letting me put the blame on mercury’s retrograde. I need some informative confirmation that this aint all the dream or maybe it’s just wysiswyg, what you see is what you get. We thread the rope we hang round our neck. ahh… maybe it’s just that end of the summer feeling or the world bout to shake off the shit that fuck with it from the front. I only know what I know. beauty. It’s what I make myself miss daily. so that that moment I see her will make everything else worthless.
Behind the door of passion, lust, infatuation lies an even darker place
where few choose to venture.
A place, akin to unselfish loyalty, cemented with desire,
yet more sinister, more angelic.
Love is the misguided thought yet it's truth is a sugary sweet, teeth clenched facsimile
of said thought
that will knock you down to get at your heart.
The energy of this dark is the wrath of all of what it is to truly want, crave.
Here, the earth stands still.
Moans and sweat represent serenity and tranquility
as dancing cells of self worth circuit themselves about you.
In this cold, treacherous place, the acquisition of lustrous trinkets,
to express what can be expressed with a simple kiss,
is acquired with a dangerous fervor.
None are immune to its pull and perceived beauty such as this.
Engulfed in this dark, the instinctual energy, to protect what is fragile in us,
is diverted away,
pulling with it sense and logic,
pride and integrity, concept and function.
All that is left is emotionality and the need to make this feeling last for as long as it can.
Oh to have. To trade shiny ornaments to have.
To step away and to see all that we have: grand beauty. a frozen moment. a bribed smile.
Precious nothing.
In that is the weakness.
That frigid steely want that clenches the spine.
This dark deception invades and destroys the delicate tenderness we long to share.
Be weary frail heart. true love cannot be bought.
You cannot grasp at it to hold.
It opens itself up for you to fall into.
It is not in the sweat of bodies yet it embodies the sweetest nectar that is the joining of flesh.
It is child-like freeing laughter not the clenching disruptive jealousy of an absent instance.
Feel with caution
so that you can love with reckless abandon.
Numb... forget... summer, expressions in the grass, under the magnolia tree, the right foods, bottles of wine, touches of purpose. The south of some somewhere, inseparable.
the memories confined to her face and flowers, and birds singing, people smiling.
Outside of her he hasn't been able to stay long enough to dance, to focus, to care if she is safe, any other she but her.
1. The Bronx Philosophy grows where dirty green water flows.2. takers, fiends and foes, friend and fear to have, to hold, 3.to be in a condition akin to takers, fiends and foes, friend and fear, 4. to victory. 5. the mathematical, philosophical and astrological aspects of the mask you wear. 6.assured shifty-eye comprehension, millisecond mind study, silent escapism, smile and slay wisdom. 7.love. 8. wake up in an alley on some side o some town u aint never been to with your pockets slit ready to do things you aint never did to hold on to the things you only now realize you have.9.testimony of 'tell on the self-ness' in the most open o ways, said so slick, to make droves question walking straight. 10. to be aware of what can hide nothing.
ARTIST (ar'tist) n. 1. a) one who practices an art in which conception and execution are governed by imagination, style, and taste. b) a person skilled in one of the fine arts. c) a craftsman that executes his art with individual style. 2. often their work is judged according to the culture and the attitude placed on art at the time. Although they may earn recognition during their lifetime, they are usually not recognized for their accomplishments until after death. 3. Lives a life of unstable economic means. 4. Many theories have been put forth regarding their creativity, the most common one being that it is inherent, although if not developed and tested will remain dormant. a) They seem to create during moods, often intense, mostly lasting only a short while. 5. They have a feeling of brotherhood with each other that is timeless. 6. Thought to be haphazard, having no sense of order, plan, or direction, yet are known to be perfectionists when it comes to their own work. a) They make decisions on feeling rather than reason. b) Have problems with concentration. 7. They are stereotyped as mentally unbalanced. One artist cut off his ear in a passion of creativity combined with frustration about his art. It has not been determined whether their creativity has anything to do with this. 8. They are sensitive, aware, and alert. 9. They are tolerated by society, which allows them to live in accordance with their own natures.
and I just need to vent. make me a point about not worrying.
Dream, dream big, write with no spell check, take pictures in regular light when people ain't looking, if you feel like doing a Michael Jackson spin in the subway at rush hour, do it! Go after your dreams and put no pretenses on your existence here on the planet cause who the F knows right?
Yeah it me muMs, Craig Grant, Sirmumsila, Chrysanthemums... etc. I respond to all. It's been a pretty uneventful yet productive year. first off I had some major money issues that I'm sure all of you can relate to especially since most of my little audience consists of self made artists like myself. This ain't France homies there ain't no government subsidized art going on here. And actually money has been tight for quite some time now. basically through two failed relationships (that is now how I measure time). My pride wouldn't allow me to go out and get a job. no offense to bar tenders but I'm sure I'd jump off of something first. I am an actor even though the work has become scarce for someone so un-zac effron as me. o well no frets, no worry. worrying kills more people than... I don't know, I don't give a fuck about facts right now. I just know worrying ain't good for you so I don't do it at all. so here I was at 40 yo in December 08, basically money-less, girlfriend-less, refusing to get a regular job. I told people that I was living in cardboard box under a bridge in the Bronx. made for a good story but no one believed me. kinda like when I decided to tell everyone that I was gay so I could meet girls. I decided I needed a change. I got a call from a director who wanted me to come to LA to do a workshop of Elephant Man featuring Common. They had no money to pay me but the director insisted. so much so he reached in his pocket and was willing to buy me a one-way fare. There is something about fate or God or the Universe or like... energy. my mind was clamoring for a change and here was the opportunity. I said yes, packed a bag and took 200 of my last 300 sans the phone bill, and went to the poker table. With that desperate energy on my side I walked out of that poker game with 1000 dollars at something like 4 in the morning and was on a plane to LA with nowhere to stay 7:30 am. nice. Well, I ended up killing the workshop like I usually do when I concentrate. I am a much-better-than-decent actor ( but as I learned quickly in LA that means squat). I wound up staying on a rather comfortable air mattress in Santa Monica for two months then moving to West Hollywood, where I now reside. I am well into writing a play that I am very proud of and am about to tackle the task of writing a screenplay. Some monies have trickled in and I am, after a nice discussion with my manager about how I am switching my focus from acting to writing even after acquiring a pair of decent agents out here, contemplating a future in advertising to go along with writing and acting. I just returned to LA from spending two weeks at my theater Intensive at BARD University in New York. It was an invigorating experience, especially staging the first act of my play and people understanding it as well as liking it! Anyway, long story short, the universe gives you signs for your life journey everyday, at 40 I decided to listen and things are good, very good. Ta da bitches...
ok so look forward to my posts being a bit more personal than they have been but not quite as long. love you all. peace.
So its been a pretty uneventful week in the life of me. Im still performing in Penalties and Interest at the Public Theater which runs until the 28th of June.
I guess the death of Tim Russert- moderator of Meet the Press- from a sudden heart attack, is the biggest thing to happen this past week. I felt very sad at the news of his demise. I'm a big fan of Meet to Press. It wont be the same without him. The fact that he died at such a relatively young age- 58-years old- has caused a bit of alarm within me. All year up until this point I have been thinking about the fact that I will turn 40 at the end of the year. It has been a big concern of mine. I feel I am, in essence, leaving my childhood way behind and the superman that I thought I once was at 25 is long gone. Heart disease, diabetes, and my cholesterol levels have become issues in my head. But much more than that has been the though of what I have accomplished from birth until now. I won't bore you with details but I feel a sense of urgency creeping on me. My friend Andre and I had this disucssion one nght. He turns 40 this year as well. We came to the conclusion that we only have about 40 years left, God willing, and that last 20 years should not be stressful at all. I feel when I'm 60 I should be chilling some where on a beach or a by a lake not worrying where the next dollar is going to come from. So for real I have about 20 years to make things happen, buy a house, meet a girl, start a family... the whole american dream thing. It's a little daunting when you really think about it. Oh well. I'm not going to let it stress me out. We only have one life to live as far as we know so why not go all out huh? I've made a list of the things I want to accomplish in my life and are at work making them happen. I'm already pretty proud of what I've done up until this point. No need to fret, just live until living is no more. As they say, when death smiles at you all you can do is smile back, right? We're sad about the sudden death of Tim Russert but I bet he can look down from wherever he is at and be proud of his life and that is what it's all about given what we know. until the end, be blessed, gorealer
So I'm not really sure what is going to happen here on GOREALERdotcom other than me putting up the things that concern me and giving it out to the world to read. I guess I've been reluctant in doing this for a while because I wasn't sure if anybody wanted to hear my opinion and also the road to world wide fame on the internet seemed long and laborious. But as you'll see there are just things that I need to talk about and get off my chest so that I can think clearly, you know.
There is this certain motivation that came over me while I watched Barack Obama's legendary speech on race.
It reminded me of when I heard Rapper's Delight for the first time back in 1979. I remember clearly the moment I put that record on. It spoke not just for me but in a way was speaking from me, saying the things I wanted to say and the way I had wanted to say them but hadn't known how. At the moment I- as I would realize later it was my entire generation- had a voice. I felt the exact same feeling as I watched Barack give his speech nearly 30 years later.
There is a certain complacency that comes with watching history happen right before your eyes on the TV and computer screen nowadays. I remember watching something hit one of the Twin Towers live on my TV when I thought I was turning on the Today show back in 2001 and then later that day going out to dinner with my then girlfriend and commenting on how beautiful and serene an evening it was in NYC with the bridges and tunnels closed off. I believe that one day people will look back at the first decade of this new century and know that these ten years have changed our perspective on the world. I say all this to say that I'd be lying if said tears fell from my eyes during Barack's speech. But there was a moment that I remember, clear as a sunny day, that I felt finally there is a politician/ human representative that clearly was thinking and saying what I had thought and wanted to say.
So Now that Sen. Barack Obama has won the Democratic Nomination, or more pointedly Hillary Clinton had dropped out and endorsed him, the reality of the first black President is starting to take form. This is an email conversation with a female friend regarding whether or not he'd be willing to take Hillary as his running mate:
mums-yeah it's seeming more and more like a bad idea but I just feel that he might have a hard time with a lot of people if he doesn't take her. in either case its obvious she wants it. I got really frustrated with all those people who were saying that they'd vote for anybody else other than Obama, including McCain, if Hillary doesn't get the nomination. I just think that is crazy. 18 million people did vote for her. he can't just sneeze at that. But I am convinced she is Crazy though.
FF-yeah.... i know what you mean. crazy but true: my own mother said she’d vote for mccain if obama was the democratic nominee. i was appalled. my liberal dad said he’d vote for obama but didn’t like him (and when i said obama’s the kennedy of our generation, and that kennedy was equally ‘inexperienced’ when he ran, he said there was a big difference because ‘kennedy had a lot of state government experience when he ran for president’ !!!??!)
i just worry that a lot of people dislike hillary so much that they’d be really disappointed in obama if he picks her. because, conversely, i spoke to A LOT of people (more obama supporters than hillary supporters) who said they’d refuse to vote for hillary if she was the nominee. will they then think obama’s full of shit for saying she doesn’t represent ‘change’ if he picks her as vp? i think he’d do better to choose strickland... or someone equally experienced but who doesn’t already have as big a negativity rating as clinton...
anyway, if i remember correctly the bet had to do both with obama picking her but also with my contention that she wouldn’t accept and wasn’t interested... and you said she would and was. so i think if he DOESN’T pick her but she already said she wants it, it’s a tie. what do you think?
mums-ahhh... a tie, yes... anyway I can get some Sasabune, I'll take it. :)
I watched some youtube clips from West Virginia about people saying they'd never vote for Obama. some are clearly racist but there is something else going on I think. My own black mother said she refuses to vote for him. Other than obvious racism, I think there is a thing that the older generation has against him. I've watched every speech, every debate and listened to pundit after pundit from CNN to MSNBC to the Huffington Post to Politco to the New York times and even Fox news! There aren't many who know more about what is going on in this race than me and I still cannot see what is unlikable about Barack Obama. But last week there was a string debate in the opinion section of the daily news of whether he was the anti-christ or not. I understand my mother not voting for him because she is a conservative and is Christian and pro-life. so McCain represents her issues but she was ready to vote for Hillary now it's McCain. But for any pro-choice people to switch to McCain just because they hate Obama is just ridiculous. and visa verse for Obama Supporters even though you can explain away the distaste in the mouth for Hillary Clinton a lot better. I really believe for People over 55 Obama represents Culture passing them by. I can understand it a bit. I had a brief moment where I was mad because I couldn't learn the new dances the kids were doing. silly.
By the way we had a bet about an Obama/Hillary ticket. I said she's wants the VP slot and would take it. She said that Hillary wouldn't want it and wouldn't take it if offered. The prize is a sushi dinner at Sasabune which is hands down some of the best sushi I've had in my life. It's melt in your mouth good. I think I won but It's up in the air. I think she's trying to sneak a 'tie' past me.
So now I'm inspired by the progress of Barack Obama. The reality has always been I can be anything I want to be if only I just put my mind to it. But being a Black man in this country has furnished me with a shit load of valid excuses I'm pretty dependent upon for not living up to my potential. That's right I said it. I think it can be said for a lot of us that there is a certain comfort in that dependance. "Why should I do anything, I ain't allowed to be nothing in this country no how". But now forty years after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther (The, like a lot of white politicians like to mistakingly say) King, a man of African Heritage is the Democratic Nominee for President of The United States. I can do anything.
And now that I'm sure I can do anything I'm realizing that the getting up to do it is the hardest part. A good friend passed on a book to me called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Once I opened the front cover to read it I finished it that day, jogging around the block in between. I haven't jogged again since but I DO think about it everyday. Maybe I'll go in the morning.
And Barack has become the topic of conversation with all kinds of people on many different levels. I ran into my old friend
He was chilling in the village out front a popular health food store drinking a smoothy, listening to some tunes, this past weekend. We spoke for a good hour, maybe more. The conversation started with the traditional, "what up man how you been? Chilln Chilln, right". But it took a sharp turn towards some sensibility once Barack was mentioned. After the, "yo son did you EVER believe we'd see it in our lifetime" wordless look we gave each other the conversation turned to the environment, health and self-worth issues in the black community, how our gifts as artists can really make a change in the world. I even found myself confessing something I've wanted to say to him for some time now. In brief, I told him about the depression I had fell into as an artist a while ago watching his success along with Jill Scott's, Erykah's, Talib's, Saul William's, Alicia Keys and many others whom I came up with in the most invigorating part of my artistic life, and not having it truly realized it on my own. It was a pleasure to have my friend MosDef aka Dante Smith that I've known for over 15 years, remind me of my strength and worth in between saying hello to random fans. "Just keep doing you muMs. keep pushing, grinding. Right now is a beautiful time. It's a beautiful time". He kept saying that. "It's a beautiful time". It is. It is a historic and beautiful time.
In some more inspired time, I found myself surfing the net. I came across this documentary about a floating Island of garbage in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas. We may have already signed our death warrant as humans. We make plastic that isn't degradable. We throw it away. It gets in the ocean. The fish ingest it, We eat the fish. hahaha... oh shit!
This the third "slip" made by people in this campaign threatening or wishing death on Barack Obama. First it was Mike Huckabee joking at an NRA event about Senator Obama being shot. Then Hillary with the infamous reference to RFK as being the reason she should stay in the race, clearly meaning, 'you never know what could happen'. Then this sad attempt at humor by journalist Liz Trotta on Fox News. All these slips appear to be quite Freudian is you ask me. Then when they do apologize, it is some broad sweeping apology to "whomever I might have been offended by what I had said" rather than a direct apology to Senator Obama and his family. There seems to be a certain disdain for Sen. Barack Obama coming from some people in this country that is staggering. From the people who say they will switch parties and vote for McCain if Hillary doesn't get the nomination regardless of the issues to the 11 percent who still believe that Obama is a Musilm, God forbid. There are many that just don't like the man. But that is okay. Even if race is the reason, people are entitled to there own opinion. But to suggest that he be killed or to joke about it is bordering criminal. Granted this has been a long campaign and many people are not getting their proper sleep. Even Mr. Obama himself has made the occasional verbal goof but I doubt he would ever threaten Sen. Hillary Clinton's life by accident referencing Robert F. Kennedy then turn and apologize just to the Kennedy family. I was a supporter of Hillary Clinton coming into this race. I supported her because I liked her, period. I liked that she stood her ground after the scandal with her husband. I liked her dedication to her health plan. I liked that she was going to be the first woman in office. I liked her up until she started complaining about how everyone was ganging up on her. Then the lies and the obvious "do anything, say anything to get elected" mode she is still in. I officially moved over to Barack Obama after his historic speech on race. In that speech his verbalized things that I had been thinking for a long time but wish that I had the courage to say. So maybe I take these attacks on Sen Obama personally because I too am a black man and these attacks reming me of how we are devalued as humans by some in this country only worth being killed and tossed out with the garbage. I am quickly coming to the conclusion that this country might not deserve a man like Sen. Barack Obama to lead them which in turn just makes me sad.
today I’m feeling like… a little out of the box. a little outside the of the norm. Outside of everything… everybody. The news makes me scared, angry, pensive, jittery. the drama. the opinions. the pop elation. feel like if I turn it off I’ll miss something. I flip through my twitter scroll and again I am scared, angry or I laugh but then… I wonder does that person who said something funny on twitter not know that some father chopped his kids head off or that some 30 soldiers got killed in Afghanistan or some dude got shot by police or some elderly woman’s window got shot in or some guy broke in some woman’s home and raped her or some guy riding his bike got run over? I’m on the facebook and stocks is down and someone called the Pres a spook and the degrading of the dollar is happening like they said and the radicals is all up at each other and the wind is knocking over stages and the rain is opening holes in the ground and rich people cant stop telling me how rich they is and I’m wanting… and waiting… and wars are being started and information is being forced and hacked and sported. 
